Circling

I never did tell you about our robins. As you know, they nested in one of our bedroom windows above our bed. As strange as it was to wake up to find Mama Robin staring at me, I loved knowing that I'd get such a close up view of the babies. I think I included a picture before of the 4 bright blue eggs she laid? Anyway, 3 weeks ago (or so) 3 of the four eggs hatched. For two wonderful weeks I had the chance to watch the babies grow. They changed from hairless, helpless babies with closed eyes and bobbing heads to miniature versions of their parents. I was able to watch the adults bring long, slimy worms and fat, wriggling grubs up to them. I watched them nap and shuffle around while the parents were away. I never took any photos of them after the eggs hatched. The window was splattered with mud from when the nest was built (such a perfect basket of grass and mud) and I didn't want to scare the nestlings by opening the window just so I could satisfy my urge for a photograph. The kids and Jeremy weren't interested in the babies...after all, it took a little climbing and a lot of balancing to get up to the window where they were. I didn't mind scaling the bookshelf, grabbing the top with my fingertips while positioning myself between the bed and the shelves. I couldn't stop watching them! Birds grow so quickly that it was almost like watching a film fast forwarded. I could tell a difference in them every single day. I don't know I have a fascination with birds. I love listening to them. I love their bright colors and funny walk. I love how controlled their flight is and how silly they can be when playing in water or snow. They calm me down somehow and make me take time to appreciate something that doesn't belong to me, something simple, something that could so easily be taken for granted.

Last weekend the fledglings left the nest. I climbed up on my perch to peek at them and saw that they were gone. With a little bit of sadness I asked Jeremy to get out a ladder so we could knock down the nest. (While I love birds the thought of left behind bird mites invading my house and skin does not appeal to me one bit!) Summer is quickly approaching and all my bird babies were on their own.

And, then, on Friday I heard Maggie barking. I walked into the kitchen and looked out the glass doors to see a bird lying on the deck. Apparently one of my fledglings had flown into the door. It was lying on its back, eyes shut tight. It was still small...maybe 2/3 of the size of an adult robin and its grown-up feathers were still coming in. The colors were a mix of babyhood grays and browns along with the adult reddish breast that makes the bird so easily recognizable. I didn't want to scoop one of my babies off of the wood but we had a realtor coming by so I certainly couldn't leave it there. I stood there in the kitchen, hemming and hawing, wondering what to do. Suddenly its wings began to slowly flutter. Its eyes opened and looked around. Maggie barked harder. What was this strange creature on her deck?? The wings moved faster and I began to hope that maybe it was just stunned. I waited and kept coming back to check on it but it wouldn't get up. It wouldn't even turn over. I ran and got some gloves and went outside. I picked her up and noticed that her neck was at an odd angle. Maybe it was broken? She could still move her wings and legs just fine but her neck turned back over her body like she was going to drift off to sleep. I cradled her in my hands and stroked her breast and head until she calmed down. She let me check her wings and legs without complaint and I knew that wasn't a good sign. I sat there with her nestled in my hands for about 15 minutes watching her breathe, watching her sleep, watching her open an eye every now and then to see if I was still there staring. I was pretty sure she would die soon. After all, she was small and hurt and obviously exhausted from the effort of trying to get up and fly away. I put her in the flower box with my newly sprouted pumpkin plants. The wind was chilly and I wanted her to be in a protected spot that she would easily be able to escape from if she shook off her injuries. I tucked my gloves around her and went back inside. All evening I checked on her. I gave her berries which she adamantly refused. She seemed to be getting stronger by dusk - she was determined to fight me when I got too close and she would squawk in fear. I decided to let her be and hope that she'd feel better in the morning. After all, I had no idea how long it took for birds to get over the shock of hitting something so hard.

The next morning she was still alive but still hadn't eaten anything. Her neck was still twisted and she still could not sit up straight. Knowing that she was going to slowly starve to death (my google research showed that robins this age still rely on their parents for food and since she wouldn't let me near her any more...) and knowing that her neck most likely was broken (or something was) Jeremy did a kindness by quickly killing her. It broke my heart but I knew it was the best thing to do. I realize that the chances of this being one of "my" robins was slim but I still felt a closeness to this baby that lived such a short life. She was so light and soft in my hands. I wish there was more that we could have done.

We chose not to tell the kids about the bird knowing that they would be really upset. Instead we went about the rest of our day as normal. And that would have been the end of the story except last night while eating dinner on the deck I happened to look over at the bluebird house. I knew that no birds had nested in it this year (probably due to its proximity to our 3 feeders) so I hadn't thought much about it. As I looked up though I thought I saw something staring at me. We were all quiet and watching when 2 little baby squirrels poked their heads out of the hole to peek at us. Their eyes were huge and their ears were teeny tiny. As much as the squirrels here drive me nuts I suddenly was excited. More spring babies close to the house! I may have lost my robin but I now have the squirrels to watch. It was just what I needed :)